Somewhere in the area of smumble and hug...

So often, my blog posts come from a Status Update I have posted on Facebook.  I have been posting a lot of updates on FB lately, but very few blog posts.  What can I say, time has gotten away from me.  Have I been busy trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up (and the kids grow up)?  Have I been working like a mad woman on Halloween costumes?  Yes, but these really haven't prevented me from blogging.  What I have been doing is spending way too much time online shopping and feeding my FB addiction.  That would be the real excuse.

No shopping today though.  I don't deserve it.  I am feeling humble and humility, while usually a prime motivator of shopping therapy, is preventing me from overindulging.  Why am I feeling humble?  Because I am, yet again, questioning my parenting skills.  In particular, my degree of patience (or lack thereof) with one very willful two year old.  When I dropped The Monkey off at CDO last week, the teachers commented on how "full of joy" she is, likening her to a ray of sunshine.  So, why can't I see the sunshine?  Why is MY joy so very tampered by her love for disobeying me, her need to whine about all things great and small and her decision to boycott all food that is not a chicken nugget (otherwise known as Bock-Bocks in our house).  I remind myself constantly that I survived this with K and will survive this with The Monkey, but every day just presents another opportunity for frustration and failure and I.AM.JUST.TIRED of handing out time-outs and the (once occasional, now daily) spanking for completely outrageous behaviors.  I find myself wishing for 3 to get here ASAP, until a friend with a crying 3 year old passed me in Target today and reminded me that 3 can be even harder than 2.

On the other hand, I am feeling a bit smug today as well.  I find myself in the all too rare position of being proud of myself for making a decision that was best for me in terms of sticking to my beliefs and standards but straight-out SUCKED for me on a number of other  levels.  I feel somewhat vindicated that I suffered through upheaval, loss and doubt but came out the other side a happier person in the long run whose convictions were right all along.

So the question is, am I smumble?  When I posted this on FB, a friend wrote back that perhaps I was Hug?  I think she is onto something....hugs just may be deserved in both cases and can often make a world of difference.  And, I find myself once-again appreciating that I can't get everything right all of the time.  Life, emotions & interactions with others are like a teeter-totter, up and down and in between.  Today I find myself somewhere in the area of smumble and hug.